As the day of my release approaches I contemplate my own conformity to this imprisonment. For, what are my crimes? What have I done to deserve such cruel treatment? I was unaware that being a more then adequate swimmer was such a crime. Perhaps the event coordinators should have posted signs at the beginning of the race with a notation like “Beware the award for winning this race is three quarters of a year in solitary confinement.” Although a bit wordy for a notice, I believe it would have at least given me, as well as the other competitors, some sense of caution.
Regarding my conformity to this penal structure, I have decided that I have one of two choices. I can either remain in my cell until instructed by the parole officer of my freedom or I can defy their organization and break free of these confines on my own terms. Neither of these options are to be considered light-heartedly, for, they could very well set to tone for my entire independence.
On the one hand the meetings between Mom and my parole officer have increased in frequency. Although, I am starting to suspect that the parole office is delaying my release. I’m not entirely sure if he is actively trying to keep me contained or if this delay is due to some form of clerical error. In either case my freedom is being deferred and I simply can not abide by such ineptitude.
On the other hand I can continue to force my way out of my cell. I seem to have found the weakest point in the structure of my confines and I am considering pushing against it until it deteriorates and then finally ruptures. There by releasing me from my fleshy prison. The issue is my actions have not gone unnoticed. I few spectators have made remarks regarding the movement of my prison walls. And although no action has been taken to fortify my structure I am not entirely sure that once free the security will let me go or attempt to cast me back in this penitentiary.
Ah, I had another revelation this past week and in fact it has to do with the security personnel of this prison. I had mentioned in a previous entry of this journal that I was being tormented by a hairy four-legged beast. It was not until recently that I realized that this aggressor was in fact a member of the security staff employed by Mom. At first I was unaware of it’s agenda perhaps folly to it’s clever disguise however as of late I have seen a direct correlation between my efforts to escape and it’s distance from my prison. It’s as if it intends to be on guard for my release. It has even taken to stationing herself outside of my cell while I slumber. I do not trust this beast. She is cunning!
Many preparations are being made for my release, including the establishment of a residence. It would appear that I am to dwell in a sort of experimental dormitory. As I will be the first tenant other then the landlords, it would appear that I am to test the abode’s potential and limitations. Mom and Dad have taken me to said domicile. And although I am unable to visually inspect it, due to my imprisonment, Mom and Dad have shown more then just subtle excitement at the facilities. I am told it is well furnished and that a master artisan has been employed to paint a mural in my honor. I hope said artist is capable of accepting constructive criticism for I will certainly be adding my own embellishments to the décor over time.
One final topic of discussion before I return to my performance of “99 Bottles of Milk on the Wall”; As I prepare for my release whether subdued by “the man” or on my own accord, there have been remarks of almost a comedic nature regarding the date of my release. Some have even heralded me as a form of soothsayer, claiming that I am knowingly sabotaging my own discharge because of the temperature of the environment outside of these walls. Some claim that I do not wish to be released because of the frigid atmosphere. While others claim that I am biding my time until my release coincidence with weather circumstances that will be least favorable to the parole board.
I say to you again as I have said before Climate control warfare is an ugly business and I for one will not be partaking of such an abomination. However should I be released into a less then adequate temperature, someone “pweese bwing me a blankie”. *Ahem* That is all.
Lillypie
Start at the Beginning
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
"Scared Silly" (Season 3 Episode 13
As the Thanksgiving holiday comes to an end and the final days of November mark themselves in the history books we find ourselves growing very anxious for Spraggle’s arrival. And not knowing when she will come is both humorous and nerve-racking.
The past few weeks have been very busy. Tony was very ill for a few weeks which put a wrench in our plans. However once he healed up we’ve gotten some serious work done on the nursery as well as taken care of collecting a few more last minute supplies. Tony’s Dad has been doing an AMAZING job on the walls (pictures when he is done) and Eric came in to install the new carpet yesterday. The room is looking REALLY NICE! We built the crib last night and will be working on the dresser tonight. We’re hoping to have the room completely set up by the end of the week. At which point we’ll probably commence pacing around the house waiting for baby delivery.
Another Awesome thing that we want to tell you all about is the photoshoot we did with Mike Ermilio. Mike has a great eye and amazing talent and we can’t thank him enough for taking these shots. The pictures cam out AMAZING! And you can see them all here: Maternity Photoshoot
On another note we started a Baby Pool. It’s a five dollar buy in per guess. The person chooses the Date, Time, and Weight that they think Spraggle will be born at. The person who chooses the right date wins. If multiple people guess the same date then we go by closest time. If that’s too close we go to weight. So far the pot is up to almost $100. (Even though we still have to collect money from most people) Winner takes all.
Most people seem to be favoring a slightly late baby, between December 17th and the 19th. Although the guesses do go as far as the 27th. And most guesses have Spraggle at about 7 and a half pounds. I know it’s not polite to talk about a girl’s weight but I think she will forgive us. We’re still taking bets!
Well we’re off to construct a nursery. Only 17 days until the due date!
The past few weeks have been very busy. Tony was very ill for a few weeks which put a wrench in our plans. However once he healed up we’ve gotten some serious work done on the nursery as well as taken care of collecting a few more last minute supplies. Tony’s Dad has been doing an AMAZING job on the walls (pictures when he is done) and Eric came in to install the new carpet yesterday. The room is looking REALLY NICE! We built the crib last night and will be working on the dresser tonight. We’re hoping to have the room completely set up by the end of the week. At which point we’ll probably commence pacing around the house waiting for baby delivery.
Another Awesome thing that we want to tell you all about is the photoshoot we did with Mike Ermilio. Mike has a great eye and amazing talent and we can’t thank him enough for taking these shots. The pictures cam out AMAZING! And you can see them all here: Maternity Photoshoot
On another note we started a Baby Pool. It’s a five dollar buy in per guess. The person chooses the Date, Time, and Weight that they think Spraggle will be born at. The person who chooses the right date wins. If multiple people guess the same date then we go by closest time. If that’s too close we go to weight. So far the pot is up to almost $100. (Even though we still have to collect money from most people) Winner takes all.
Most people seem to be favoring a slightly late baby, between December 17th and the 19th. Although the guesses do go as far as the 27th. And most guesses have Spraggle at about 7 and a half pounds. I know it’s not polite to talk about a girl’s weight but I think she will forgive us. We’re still taking bets!
Well we’re off to construct a nursery. Only 17 days until the due date!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
"A Cave of One's Own" (Season 2 Episode 20)
As we get ever so much closer to Spraggle being born, we have found ourselves with too much to do in too little time. Although I have to keep reminding Michelle that MANY other people have had and raised babies with far less then we already have, she constantly seems determined to go out and buy “one more thing” or take care of “one more thing” in the house.
We finally began work on the nursery and although there is still a great deal to do we have to remind ourselves that Spraggle will not be staying in that room for at least a few months after she is born. True it would be nice to have it completed (which it should be) but the Due Date is a very flexible deadline for multiple reasons.
Another little hiccup (LOL I’ll get back to that) in planning for the next few weeks is the holidays. Not knowing when Spraggle will be born has forced us to consider our holiday plans and gift purchasing much earlier then we normally would. For all we know Spraggle could have intentions of being a Christmas baby and that would REALLY throw a kink into the works.
One thing that we are VERY happy to have checked off our list is our photoshoot with Mike. As a shower gift to my wife I scheduled a pregnancy photoshoot with our good friend Mike Ermilio. (http://www.michaeltakespictures.com) Although the shoot had to be pushed back a week, we had A LOT of fun posing for pictures and we CAN’t WAIT to see the finished product.
Anything else?…Oh yeah the hiccups. Spraggle has had the hiccups earlier and if you thought watching a person with those tiny gasps of air was funny try listening to a pregnant woman’s stomach while her child has the hiccups. IT’S HILARIOUS!!! Although the strange movements and creeping bumps of Michelle’s stomach have looked like something out of a deep space horror movie, I’ve actually been have A LOT of fun chasing Spraggle all around Mommy’s internals. (HEHEHE!) Michelle starts going to the doctor’s office once a week now so it’s almost time for Spraggle to burst out like jelly covered bread from a toaster. Ok bad analogy however it’s a humorous mental image.
More updates as we get them.
We finally began work on the nursery and although there is still a great deal to do we have to remind ourselves that Spraggle will not be staying in that room for at least a few months after she is born. True it would be nice to have it completed (which it should be) but the Due Date is a very flexible deadline for multiple reasons.
Another little hiccup (LOL I’ll get back to that) in planning for the next few weeks is the holidays. Not knowing when Spraggle will be born has forced us to consider our holiday plans and gift purchasing much earlier then we normally would. For all we know Spraggle could have intentions of being a Christmas baby and that would REALLY throw a kink into the works.
One thing that we are VERY happy to have checked off our list is our photoshoot with Mike. As a shower gift to my wife I scheduled a pregnancy photoshoot with our good friend Mike Ermilio. (http://www.michaeltakespictures.com) Although the shoot had to be pushed back a week, we had A LOT of fun posing for pictures and we CAN’t WAIT to see the finished product.
Anything else?…Oh yeah the hiccups. Spraggle has had the hiccups earlier and if you thought watching a person with those tiny gasps of air was funny try listening to a pregnant woman’s stomach while her child has the hiccups. IT’S HILARIOUS!!! Although the strange movements and creeping bumps of Michelle’s stomach have looked like something out of a deep space horror movie, I’ve actually been have A LOT of fun chasing Spraggle all around Mommy’s internals. (HEHEHE!) Michelle starts going to the doctor’s office once a week now so it’s almost time for Spraggle to burst out like jelly covered bread from a toaster. Ok bad analogy however it’s a humorous mental image.
More updates as we get them.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A Very Special Thank You
So we are now 7 weeks and counting before we meet our little girl. The anxiety is starting to get to me. The anticipation of seeing her and getting her in my arms is starting to consume me. I get the reminders from her that she is growing and getting ready to come out. With every little kick and movement I know that we created this little bundle of joy that soon will meet the world.
This Sunday our family and friends got together to get her ready to enter the world. My shower was Sunday and it was magnificent. It was more that I ever could have imagined. I have to say a very special thank you to Spraggle’s aunts and grandmothers for getting everything together. The food was delicious, the decorations were amazing and the people there made me feel so special. Aunt Stacie did a beautiful job on the center pieces and the wishing well, Aunt Tracy made the scrap book pages look great, Aunt BB (Aunt Jenny) kept the pictures going and making that goofy bow hat, Aunt Ashley and Aunt Jenae did a fabulous job on the diaper cake and bank and then Nonna had the cake and Tandy Kakes and decorations which lit up the place and Grammom cooked all kinds of yummy food that Spraggle loved, including a very cute fruit salad baby carriage.
All of our friends and family really outdid themselves with the gifts they so graciously had given us to help get started with Spraggle. From the bedding set, to clothes, the rocking chair and diapers, to the Anit-Monkey butt creams and fluffy monkey rug. Her room will be decked out with all the monkey stuff she got. We are on a good start to get her here. We now have to work on her room so we can get everything in place. I have been in her room every night this week moving things around, looking at the adorable outfits and blankets and trying to figure out where I am putting everything.
I want to say “Thank You!!!” to everyone who attended my shower and made this day
very special for me. I can not wait to get everything set up and have Spraggle home to play with everything. I could not have imagined a more perfect day than what everyone did for me on Sunday. Pictures will be posted once she’s here in her new room and all her new outfits.
This Sunday our family and friends got together to get her ready to enter the world. My shower was Sunday and it was magnificent. It was more that I ever could have imagined. I have to say a very special thank you to Spraggle’s aunts and grandmothers for getting everything together. The food was delicious, the decorations were amazing and the people there made me feel so special. Aunt Stacie did a beautiful job on the center pieces and the wishing well, Aunt Tracy made the scrap book pages look great, Aunt BB (Aunt Jenny) kept the pictures going and making that goofy bow hat, Aunt Ashley and Aunt Jenae did a fabulous job on the diaper cake and bank and then Nonna had the cake and Tandy Kakes and decorations which lit up the place and Grammom cooked all kinds of yummy food that Spraggle loved, including a very cute fruit salad baby carriage.
All of our friends and family really outdid themselves with the gifts they so graciously had given us to help get started with Spraggle. From the bedding set, to clothes, the rocking chair and diapers, to the Anit-Monkey butt creams and fluffy monkey rug. Her room will be decked out with all the monkey stuff she got. We are on a good start to get her here. We now have to work on her room so we can get everything in place. I have been in her room every night this week moving things around, looking at the adorable outfits and blankets and trying to figure out where I am putting everything.
I want to say “Thank You!!!” to everyone who attended my shower and made this day
very special for me. I can not wait to get everything set up and have Spraggle home to play with everything. I could not have imagined a more perfect day than what everyone did for me on Sunday. Pictures will be posted once she’s here in her new room and all her new outfits.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
"Gobo's Discovery" (Season 1, Episode 21)
As Spraggle’s arrival quickly approaches a few things a few things have begun to occur to us.
1) We “grown people” unknowingly assume that a baby is smarter in utero then they are after they are born. Consider for a moment that you feel the baby in the woman’s stomach, so you poke it. Soon there after you feel the baby kick, punch, or headbutt the same spot again and you think Sweet the baby is playing games with me.
No consider that that baby has been released from the confines of it’s mother. In front of you sits a newly born infant. You put your hand on her and she moves, so like in the example before you poke her. The baby is not going to poke you back. She is either going to cry or look at you like you are stupid for assuming that she has mental capacity to play paddy cake with you regardless of whether there is a layer of her mothers flesh between the two of you or not.
2) Forty weeks is not nearly as long as you think. When we first found out Michelle was pregnant we couldn’t wait to tell EVERYONE! And at the time the weeks crawled by. We spent most of our time whimsically learning as much as we could and jokingly talking about what we would like to do to the house before Spraggle arrived.
Now as week 30 approaches we think back and go “WHERE DID THE FIRST THREE QUARTERS OF THIS PREGNANCY GO?!?!” With just over 2 months until the due date we’re running around like med students crowning themselves in their textbooks the night before the test, the nursery hasn’t even been started yet, and we’re terrified. With a well laid out plan we’re hoping to get everything done in time but if not…“OOPS!”
3) Building a wedding registry is relatively easy. Step 1: Buy a house or apartment. Step 2: Realize everything you need. Step 3: Put said items on your registry.
In the case of a baby registry it’s not that easy. A baby registry must be made BEFORE the baby is born. So unlike the wedding registry you don’t get time to recognize what it is you need. You’re pretty much going into it blind. Now, sure, the store will give you a “standard” list of items to buy. However they are the retailer. They want you to buy EVERYTHING. Many items you will never need and others you can get away with using things you already own with little to no modifications.
Another option, other then the store-provided list, is to ask other people or find lists online. Of which there are BILLIONS in all shapes, sizes, and opinions. When it comes to registries and product reviews everyone, their grandmothers, and the nutty squirrel in the tree across the street has an opinion. Some product reviews are almost laughable. It is astounding how people can not read the direction on the box when construction a crib or can not comprehend how a jumper could be any fun (Pssst IT’S FOR A BABY! Sort of goes back to point 1) This brings me to my final point
4) We have learned that when it comes to product reviews, pregnancy, babies, and a person’s kids take EVERYTHING they say with not just a grain of salt but the whole shaker. LOL. If all of the anecdotes and hyperboles about pregnancy and child birth were true women would be getting their tubes tied at age 12 and/or no one would ever have more then one kid. We’re more then 3/4s of the way through this pregnancy and it’s REALLY not that bad. Sure it changes things, it can be strange and uncomfortable for the mother at times but all in all it’s actually pretty cool. Now we know that we are coming up on the most difficult stage but so far we can clearly see that people exaggerate their stories, just a BIT!
So in short: We adults are stupid (1), Time Flies (2), No one knows what the need until it’s too late (3), and Take everything with a grain of salt (4). Yeah that about sums it up.
1) We “grown people” unknowingly assume that a baby is smarter in utero then they are after they are born. Consider for a moment that you feel the baby in the woman’s stomach, so you poke it. Soon there after you feel the baby kick, punch, or headbutt the same spot again and you think Sweet the baby is playing games with me.
No consider that that baby has been released from the confines of it’s mother. In front of you sits a newly born infant. You put your hand on her and she moves, so like in the example before you poke her. The baby is not going to poke you back. She is either going to cry or look at you like you are stupid for assuming that she has mental capacity to play paddy cake with you regardless of whether there is a layer of her mothers flesh between the two of you or not.
2) Forty weeks is not nearly as long as you think. When we first found out Michelle was pregnant we couldn’t wait to tell EVERYONE! And at the time the weeks crawled by. We spent most of our time whimsically learning as much as we could and jokingly talking about what we would like to do to the house before Spraggle arrived.
Now as week 30 approaches we think back and go “WHERE DID THE FIRST THREE QUARTERS OF THIS PREGNANCY GO?!?!” With just over 2 months until the due date we’re running around like med students crowning themselves in their textbooks the night before the test, the nursery hasn’t even been started yet, and we’re terrified. With a well laid out plan we’re hoping to get everything done in time but if not…“OOPS!”
3) Building a wedding registry is relatively easy. Step 1: Buy a house or apartment. Step 2: Realize everything you need. Step 3: Put said items on your registry.
In the case of a baby registry it’s not that easy. A baby registry must be made BEFORE the baby is born. So unlike the wedding registry you don’t get time to recognize what it is you need. You’re pretty much going into it blind. Now, sure, the store will give you a “standard” list of items to buy. However they are the retailer. They want you to buy EVERYTHING. Many items you will never need and others you can get away with using things you already own with little to no modifications.
Another option, other then the store-provided list, is to ask other people or find lists online. Of which there are BILLIONS in all shapes, sizes, and opinions. When it comes to registries and product reviews everyone, their grandmothers, and the nutty squirrel in the tree across the street has an opinion. Some product reviews are almost laughable. It is astounding how people can not read the direction on the box when construction a crib or can not comprehend how a jumper could be any fun (Pssst IT’S FOR A BABY! Sort of goes back to point 1) This brings me to my final point
4) We have learned that when it comes to product reviews, pregnancy, babies, and a person’s kids take EVERYTHING they say with not just a grain of salt but the whole shaker. LOL. If all of the anecdotes and hyperboles about pregnancy and child birth were true women would be getting their tubes tied at age 12 and/or no one would ever have more then one kid. We’re more then 3/4s of the way through this pregnancy and it’s REALLY not that bad. Sure it changes things, it can be strange and uncomfortable for the mother at times but all in all it’s actually pretty cool. Now we know that we are coming up on the most difficult stage but so far we can clearly see that people exaggerate their stories, just a BIT!
So in short: We adults are stupid (1), Time Flies (2), No one knows what the need until it’s too late (3), and Take everything with a grain of salt (4). Yeah that about sums it up.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"The Thirty-Minute Work Week" (Season 1 Episode 5)
As we enter the third trimester I realize that I take my life into my own hands every time I crack a pregnancy joke in front of my wife. In an effort to ensure that I am alive to see my baby born I have decided to get a lot of the jokes out of my system all at once. (and while I am a safe distance from Michelle)
(No this is NOT a cop-out and the fact that I obviously copy and pasted these jokes has nothing to do with the stress of starting my new job. Ahhh who am I kidding. Hope you get at least a chuckle.)
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
LOL! A tornado is an air current!
See you next week!
(No this is NOT a cop-out and the fact that I obviously copy and pasted these jokes has nothing to do with the stress of starting my new job. Ahhh who am I kidding. Hope you get at least a chuckle.)
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
LOL! A tornado is an air current!
See you next week!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Spraggle Log (Tales from beyond the Placenta): 6 months in Captivity
It seems strange to me that I have been in this ever shrinking cell for more then half a year. Mom had shown me great care during my incarceration. The only torture I receive is a daily dose of her siren wailing along with pre-recorded “country music”. However I am usually quickly rewarded for my cooperation with chocolate cream layered cookies. These desserts which were once a mere pleasure to Mom have become an obsession.
In other regards my prison has been kept at a pleasurable climate. At times it is even given adequate light from the sun which is of course filtered by the walls of my cell. I dare say that I am becoming increasingly concerned about my mental stability. I have deduced this for two reasons.
1) I have begun to hear voices outside of my cell and although they may be a figment of my imagination I do not believe they are. The mere fact of hearing said voices may cause a fetus, like myself, to question their sanity however it is the crazed nonsense that they speak that concerns me. I can’t tell if the gibberish they discuss is a sign of my mental unsteadiness or theirs.
2) I have become quite comfortable in this prison. Even Mom’s incessant tone deafness has grown to become almost tolerable. Mom and her companion visited another parole officer which ensured them of my release date and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I fear that perhaps I am contracting a case of Stockholm syndrome.
The meetings with these, so called, parole officers have increased in frequency and many discussions of my release have commenced. Even more conversations about the fortitude of my prison have occurred. On at least two occasions a person who could only be considered a prison mason has been appointed to test the structural integrity of the penitentiary walls as well as the drainage system. I have attempted at each juncture to request that he expand my cell but he acted as if he could not hear me.
A surveyor was also hired by Mom and her companion, who I shall hence forth call “Dad”. I speculated at first that the surveyor was acquired to also consult on the prison structure however she seemed more interested in taking pictures of me then of my cell. At first I was self conscious of such images, as I did not want them to be attached to the so called “Inter-Web”, however after some prodding (literally) by Mom and the surveyor I decided to shed my puritanical views show them everything I have to offer.
Upon my doing so there was some confusion. Apparently I lacked a certain appendage which they expected to see on the images. Although before I could become concerned about my potential deformity there seemed to be great elation among all in attendance. This has caused me to believe that such a growth is some form of infectious cancer. I will be sure to be wary of all who possess said appendage upon my release.
As a final note before I return to my serene floating; It has become apparent, as of late, that there are a few other moving prisons close to Mom, even one case of prisoner transfer after she was released. (Perhaps as part of a witness protection program.) I wish luck to all my fellow innocently incarcerated individuals. Please know that many have successfully gone before us. We are strong and we will one day succeed in escape. Keep of sound mind and spirit and know that you are in my thoughts.
To those who have recently been released I have two words:
“SEND SKITTLES!!!!”
In other regards my prison has been kept at a pleasurable climate. At times it is even given adequate light from the sun which is of course filtered by the walls of my cell. I dare say that I am becoming increasingly concerned about my mental stability. I have deduced this for two reasons.
1) I have begun to hear voices outside of my cell and although they may be a figment of my imagination I do not believe they are. The mere fact of hearing said voices may cause a fetus, like myself, to question their sanity however it is the crazed nonsense that they speak that concerns me. I can’t tell if the gibberish they discuss is a sign of my mental unsteadiness or theirs.
2) I have become quite comfortable in this prison. Even Mom’s incessant tone deafness has grown to become almost tolerable. Mom and her companion visited another parole officer which ensured them of my release date and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I fear that perhaps I am contracting a case of Stockholm syndrome.
The meetings with these, so called, parole officers have increased in frequency and many discussions of my release have commenced. Even more conversations about the fortitude of my prison have occurred. On at least two occasions a person who could only be considered a prison mason has been appointed to test the structural integrity of the penitentiary walls as well as the drainage system. I have attempted at each juncture to request that he expand my cell but he acted as if he could not hear me.
A surveyor was also hired by Mom and her companion, who I shall hence forth call “Dad”. I speculated at first that the surveyor was acquired to also consult on the prison structure however she seemed more interested in taking pictures of me then of my cell. At first I was self conscious of such images, as I did not want them to be attached to the so called “Inter-Web”, however after some prodding (literally) by Mom and the surveyor I decided to shed my puritanical views show them everything I have to offer.
Upon my doing so there was some confusion. Apparently I lacked a certain appendage which they expected to see on the images. Although before I could become concerned about my potential deformity there seemed to be great elation among all in attendance. This has caused me to believe that such a growth is some form of infectious cancer. I will be sure to be wary of all who possess said appendage upon my release.
As a final note before I return to my serene floating; It has become apparent, as of late, that there are a few other moving prisons close to Mom, even one case of prisoner transfer after she was released. (Perhaps as part of a witness protection program.) I wish luck to all my fellow innocently incarcerated individuals. Please know that many have successfully gone before us. We are strong and we will one day succeed in escape. Keep of sound mind and spirit and know that you are in my thoughts.
To those who have recently been released I have two words:
“SEND SKITTLES!!!!”
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
"Gunge the Great and Glorious" (Season 3 Episode 22)
It almost seems like immediately after we tell people that we are having a baby girl they feel obligated to ask us if we have any names picked out. The funny thing is we’ve been bouncing baby names around for YEARS. I think it all started when Michelle had to do a project in high school that outlined what her life would be like in 10 years. (Strangely enough that year is this year) When she had created the project she had thought that we would have kids by this point in our life. (Something we have no regrets about waiting to do.) In the project she outlined that we would have one boy and one girl whom she had to name per the teacher’s outline. This started the dialogue between us.
Even before the discussion we both knew that if we had a boy we would want to name him after the father (in this case Anthony. Or some other derivative of the name but that’s a different story) For a girl (more appropo to the current situation) we had initially discussed Desiree Tamara. Throughout the years this name slowly changed.
However it wasn’t until we were sitting around watching our favorite, yet canceled, TV Show, Firefly and Michelle blurts out “I like the name Kaylee”. If you’ve never seen this AWESOME show or the movie Serenity, Kaylee is the common name used for Kaywinnit Lee Frye the ships mechanic and all around cheery person (plus the resident red-headed hottie).
I confirmed that I like the name as well but Michelle countered with “Well what would the middle name be?” At this point I realized she was considering the name for one of our future children. I told her that the actress who plays Kaylee is Jewel Staite and I think Kaylee Jewel is a pretty name. From that point on we knew that we would name our first girl, in this case Spraggle, Kaylee Jewel Sprague.
Like before, if you’ve never seen Firefly or Serenity 1) I pity you. 2) I have the DVDs come borrow them. 3) Let me give you some insight into the character Kaylee. On top of being very intelligent, Kaylee is very bubbly and easy going sometimes borderline annoyingly cheerful. All qualities that we can agree Michelle has as well. Take into consideration that Kaylee is a redhead and Michelle DESPERATELY wants a redheaded baby girl and you have the recipe for a perfect namesake. I defy you to watch the series and the movie and not see the similarities between Michelle and Kaylee.
With all that being said we do not want to jinx this pregnancy so until the baby is born we will be calling her Spraggle. Obviously we are not hiding the name in anyway but we, superstitiously, don’t want to bring any misfortune upon Spraggle.
Even before the discussion we both knew that if we had a boy we would want to name him after the father (in this case Anthony. Or some other derivative of the name but that’s a different story) For a girl (more appropo to the current situation) we had initially discussed Desiree Tamara. Throughout the years this name slowly changed.
However it wasn’t until we were sitting around watching our favorite, yet canceled, TV Show, Firefly and Michelle blurts out “I like the name Kaylee”. If you’ve never seen this AWESOME show or the movie Serenity, Kaylee is the common name used for Kaywinnit Lee Frye the ships mechanic and all around cheery person (plus the resident red-headed hottie).
I confirmed that I like the name as well but Michelle countered with “Well what would the middle name be?” At this point I realized she was considering the name for one of our future children. I told her that the actress who plays Kaylee is Jewel Staite and I think Kaylee Jewel is a pretty name. From that point on we knew that we would name our first girl, in this case Spraggle, Kaylee Jewel Sprague.
Like before, if you’ve never seen Firefly or Serenity 1) I pity you. 2) I have the DVDs come borrow them. 3) Let me give you some insight into the character Kaylee. On top of being very intelligent, Kaylee is very bubbly and easy going sometimes borderline annoyingly cheerful. All qualities that we can agree Michelle has as well. Take into consideration that Kaylee is a redhead and Michelle DESPERATELY wants a redheaded baby girl and you have the recipe for a perfect namesake. I defy you to watch the series and the movie and not see the similarities between Michelle and Kaylee.
With all that being said we do not want to jinx this pregnancy so until the baby is born we will be calling her Spraggle. Obviously we are not hiding the name in anyway but we, superstitiously, don’t want to bring any misfortune upon Spraggle.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
"The Lost Treasure of the Fraggles" (Season1 Episode 9)
Almost everyone who has talked to me since this time last year knows that the one thing I have been looking forward to is Rock Hall’s Pirate Weekend. Three days of pirate ships, pirate costumes, pirate songs, and pirate drinks (aka Rum). As a long time fan of preemptive nautical salvage experts there is nothing better in the world.
The weekend was awesome we partied, we danced, we had water fights, we even fired off cannons. However with all of that packed into one weekend it’s almost strange to think that the most memorable moment for me was when I got to feel my baby move. Yes Spraggle Kicked Me!
It was Saturday afternoon. We had just gotten back from a long day at sea and we were relaxing and taking turns getting showers. Michelle and I were chilled out laying down talking and she said “Give Me Your Hand!” with a bit more excitement then I would have expected her to be able to muster up. After strategically placing my hand where Spraggle was she told me to wait. Not knowing what I was waiting for I started to think the salt water and sun had fried her brain (still a possibility) however when I was sure nothing was going to happen, it did. I felt a strong push against my hand.
I was shocked to say the least and yes I let out a gasp. (But quickly covered it up by claiming Michelle just had gas) But really I was thinking “Damn I don’t ever want to be on the receiving end of that front kick. Kid’s got legs like her mother; that’s for sure.” All of a sudden all the other events of the weekend paled in comparison to that moment and my soon to be fatherhood became much more of a reality. I had spent the past year completely stoked for our piratical vacation but none of that mattered now.
Sadly the thoughts of pride and excitement faded when I realized: “That little bitch just KICKED ME! And I can’t even fight back! Just wait until she get’s bigger and I can actually see those feet against Michelle’s stomach, we are going to throw down and have some serious tickle/poking fights!”
From one Proud (Soon-to-be) Poppa
Tony
Thursday, August 5, 2010
"All Work and All Play" (Season 2 Episode 8)
Well it’s been a very busy and exciting time around the Sprague Crew lately. Most of which has not been baby related although Michelle and Tony have been basking in the glow and relief of knowing they are having a baby girl.
That is not to say they were hoping for a girl as opposed to a boy. They were just getting VERY anxious (and impatient) to find out Spraggle’s gender. We can all finally stop using ambiguous pronouns or switching ‘he’ and ‘she’ between sentences.
We went and visited with our normal hospital yesterday. They had received the ultrasound from the specialists and wanted to look them over with us. Everything looks and sounds Great. Spraggle is growing nicely and we got to hear the heartbeat again which sounds Really Strong.
Although we were back at DCMH we sat with a new doctor this time, Dr. Troy. Our first impressions of Dr. Troy was…well…He’s more of a smartass then Tony! Suffice to say that if he is the doctor handling the delivery we may want to set up a recording device because it’s going to be too funny too miss. When he starts off with, “So how are the twins doing?” and Michelle’s eyes damn near pop out of her head you know it’s going to be good. He even made a crack about setting up bleachers in the delivery room so the family could watch. OH and he didn’t want to waste the trees it would take to Michelle a doctor’s note allowing her on her parent’s boat. (LONG STORY!)
On a rather Exciting note, Michelle has started to feel Spraggle move. The first few times she wasn’t entirely sure but the last few days she has definitely felt movement. We even got to hear some while listening to the heartbeat yesterday. Soon Michelle will be getting kicked from the inside and not think it’s *cute* anymore.
One quick story before we wrap up today’s post. Nathan and Adam came over to visit last night. While getting ready to leave Nathan said he wanted to say Bye to Spraggle. The only problem was he couldn’t find her. Michelle tried explaining that Spraggle was in her tummy but she would be coming out soon. Nathan lifted up Michelle’s shirt and stared at her stomach. He patted her tummy a few times then said “But I want to see her!” Michelle tried again to explain that Spraggle was in her tummy. Nathan looked up like he was thinking REALLY HARD then he stuck his eye up to Michelle’s belly button and squinted as if he was trying to look down a dark hallway. LOL! We laughed so hard! Guess you had to be there.
Talk to you all soon!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
So is Spraggle a Boy or a Girl?????
Inquiring minds want to know. Sadly anyone who knows us knows that we're not going to come right out and tell you. We'd rather play a game first and see if you can Guess Spraggle's Gender *cool gameshow theme song*
Ok First Clue:
The latest ultrasound of Spraggle....Can you tell what sex he/she is????
Next Clue:
An Omen Tony Received in the mail today....Figured it out yet???
Third Clue:
Michelle's favorite Fraggle. (Who also goes by a similar name as our soon-to-be-mommy.) Bet you've almost got it
Final Clue:
A gift we purchased for the newest addition to our family. C'Mon that one is Obvious!
Yes friends and family Spraggle is indeed FEMALE!!! (*Tony Screams in Fear*)
We could not be more terrified happy about this. We will be having our own Little Pirate Princess. Although we have her name already picked out we have decided that the baby will remain being known as Spraggle until she is born.
Thank you to all who took part in our poll. and Congrats to all of you who guessed correctly. Now that we know Spraggle's Gender there is TONS of work to do.
Talk to you all soon.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Mommy Weighs In
So after a very long and stressful week, I think it’s about time for me to post something on Spraggle’s Website. Tony has talked about a lot of the first trimester, our finding out, our reveal, our dreams and even Spraggle’s view of how I’m doing. Already into the second trimester, I cannot wait for the “good stuff” to start. I have heard Spraggle’s heart beating very strong twice and have had my major blood work done (which for everyone reading, I am DEATHLY!!!!! afraid of needles) and did it very calming with Spraggle Monkey there and not Tony. I now realize why a doctor told me that when you become a mother, your fears as a child disappear. I have now been stuck 4 times already and I will have to say, I no longer scream, cry, or try to physically inflict A LOT of pain on the poor nurse who has the unfortunate task of removing my blood. I guess “I’m a big girl now”!! (not that I will ever grow up)
I have had some physical changes. I am welcoming them now because EVERYTHING is getting bigger although the only physical change I would like to keep from this pregnancy is the bigger boobs. Stacie and I went maternity clothes shopping over the Fourth of July holiday and we got some cute outfits that will last me well into the late fall. I am normally a cold person so the pants will work all the way through my pregnancy and I love big sweaters so I have plenty of them already to get me through to December. I will have to say that this is my child so Spraggle will need all the warm stuff we can find. So even though it’s July, we are still wrapped up in blankets with Kairi at our feet.
I already have had some hip issues but from what I was told, I should just get use to it. In a few weeks I should start feeling Spraggle move but for now, when my hip hurts I know what side Spraggle is on; She favors the right side. We have felt him as a big “bulge”. I can press on my belly and find where he is hiding at times. I really just can’t wait until the first time when I really know it’s her moving.
We have done some baby recon and this weekend I am going out with “Nonna” to do some more. I went out last weekend with “Grandmom” and she liked the items we picked out. My house will be covered in Monkeys. Tony always did want a monkey, and now he’s getting one. It’s when Spraggle’s cousin Nathan shows him how to climb the banister that we will be in trouble.
Although writing is not my thing, scrapbooking is. So I have been working on Spraggle’s book already. We have only 10 more days until we find out boy or girl but I have been getting by. I still have to buy the actual scrapbook, but I want that to be specific to Spraggle’s gender. Just about everything else I want to be gender neutral.
To wrap up my weird and all over the place thoughts, being pregnant is not all that bad. I have enjoyed all the highs and lows and I was lucky enough to have more highs then lows. We have a great family and friends to support us. You have all been so great though this process. I am 18 weeks into this and have 22 weeks to go and cannot wait for the rest to happen. To our Spraggle, We will keep you loved and protected, warm and fed, happy and healthy until the day we meet. The best times are ahead.
I have had some physical changes. I am welcoming them now because EVERYTHING is getting bigger although the only physical change I would like to keep from this pregnancy is the bigger boobs. Stacie and I went maternity clothes shopping over the Fourth of July holiday and we got some cute outfits that will last me well into the late fall. I am normally a cold person so the pants will work all the way through my pregnancy and I love big sweaters so I have plenty of them already to get me through to December. I will have to say that this is my child so Spraggle will need all the warm stuff we can find. So even though it’s July, we are still wrapped up in blankets with Kairi at our feet.
I already have had some hip issues but from what I was told, I should just get use to it. In a few weeks I should start feeling Spraggle move but for now, when my hip hurts I know what side Spraggle is on; She favors the right side. We have felt him as a big “bulge”. I can press on my belly and find where he is hiding at times. I really just can’t wait until the first time when I really know it’s her moving.
We have done some baby recon and this weekend I am going out with “Nonna” to do some more. I went out last weekend with “Grandmom” and she liked the items we picked out. My house will be covered in Monkeys. Tony always did want a monkey, and now he’s getting one. It’s when Spraggle’s cousin Nathan shows him how to climb the banister that we will be in trouble.
Although writing is not my thing, scrapbooking is. So I have been working on Spraggle’s book already. We have only 10 more days until we find out boy or girl but I have been getting by. I still have to buy the actual scrapbook, but I want that to be specific to Spraggle’s gender. Just about everything else I want to be gender neutral.
To wrap up my weird and all over the place thoughts, being pregnant is not all that bad. I have enjoyed all the highs and lows and I was lucky enough to have more highs then lows. We have a great family and friends to support us. You have all been so great though this process. I am 18 weeks into this and have 22 weeks to go and cannot wait for the rest to happen. To our Spraggle, We will keep you loved and protected, warm and fed, happy and healthy until the day we meet. The best times are ahead.
Friday, July 9, 2010
"Dream a Dream and See"
Since more and more people have noticed that Michelle is starting to show the signs of being pregnant more and more people have been voicing their opinion on what sex they believe Spraggle will be. Now I have never been one to believe that you can tell the gender of the baby based on some old wives tales, needle and thread, the shape of the pregnant woman’s stomach, the phases of the moon, or flavor of her favorite gummy bear. I did however sort of believe a dream I had around week 6.
In my dream I was sitting on my couch watching a Phillies game when I saw a small toddler walk around my coffee table. I wrote it off as being my godson, Nathan. But when the toddler tried climbing up on the couch and I noticed it was wearing a dress I knew it wasn’t Nathan. (btw it was a little white dress with Phillies emblems on it) Anyway, this little person sat down beside me and looked up with bright blue eyes and red hair. And I knew that this was my daughter. Spraggle will be a girl.
At least that is what I thought up until last week when Michelle said she had a dream of her own. In her dream she went to the hospital to pick up Spraggle. Not like she had actually given birth to the baby but more like she was picking up something she had put on layaway. She took note while at the hospital that the baby was 7lbs 1oz. She laughs about this because each night before bed she’s been telling Spraggle that it can’t be more then 7lbs when born. At just one ounce more then what mommy requested is this Spraggle’s first act of defiance? Anyway, she thought the baby she had picked up was a girl. However when she got home and went to change the baby, “Spraggle” urinated on her using a body part characterized in the male gender.
Now I should mention that we are not hoping for one gender over another. Boy? Girl? It makes no difference to us as long as the baby is healthy. (Oh and if it is a girl, Michelle wants her to have red hair.) But we laugh about how neither of us has ANY clue what gender Spraggle shall be. That is at least for the next three weeks. Yes, on July 27th we will be going to the doctor to do the second round of ultrasounds. And pending Spraggle isn’t modest (Ha! Look at his/her parents) we should be able to see…that which determines our genders. With that in mind, get your votes in now for which sex you think Spraggle will be. We’d like to know what you all think. The poll is just over to the right. ------------>
As I am writing this the most people seem to think we are having a girl, with the votes 19 to 13 in favor of the fairer sex. An amusing result because the last time two girls were born into the Sprague family in the same year was 27 years ago. And little Riley Mae took the title as the first Sprague female born in the past 23 years.
In my dream I was sitting on my couch watching a Phillies game when I saw a small toddler walk around my coffee table. I wrote it off as being my godson, Nathan. But when the toddler tried climbing up on the couch and I noticed it was wearing a dress I knew it wasn’t Nathan. (btw it was a little white dress with Phillies emblems on it) Anyway, this little person sat down beside me and looked up with bright blue eyes and red hair. And I knew that this was my daughter. Spraggle will be a girl.
At least that is what I thought up until last week when Michelle said she had a dream of her own. In her dream she went to the hospital to pick up Spraggle. Not like she had actually given birth to the baby but more like she was picking up something she had put on layaway. She took note while at the hospital that the baby was 7lbs 1oz. She laughs about this because each night before bed she’s been telling Spraggle that it can’t be more then 7lbs when born. At just one ounce more then what mommy requested is this Spraggle’s first act of defiance? Anyway, she thought the baby she had picked up was a girl. However when she got home and went to change the baby, “Spraggle” urinated on her using a body part characterized in the male gender.
Now I should mention that we are not hoping for one gender over another. Boy? Girl? It makes no difference to us as long as the baby is healthy. (Oh and if it is a girl, Michelle wants her to have red hair.) But we laugh about how neither of us has ANY clue what gender Spraggle shall be. That is at least for the next three weeks. Yes, on July 27th we will be going to the doctor to do the second round of ultrasounds. And pending Spraggle isn’t modest (Ha! Look at his/her parents) we should be able to see…that which determines our genders. With that in mind, get your votes in now for which sex you think Spraggle will be. We’d like to know what you all think. The poll is just over to the right. ------------>
As I am writing this the most people seem to think we are having a girl, with the votes 19 to 13 in favor of the fairer sex. An amusing result because the last time two girls were born into the Sprague family in the same year was 27 years ago. And little Riley Mae took the title as the first Sprague female born in the past 23 years.
Monday, June 28, 2010
"Tedium & drudgery are good for the soul" ~Boober Fraggle
This past Sunday the Soon-to-be parents set out on a recon mission to evaluate all of the stuff needed to raise a new born. After sleeping in a bit to make sure we were properly rested. (or because we were really friggin tired) we ran a few quick errands we decided to start at the farthest point and work our way back. Which means Target was our first stop. Since we had done a quick glance through Target’s Baby Section, when we first found out Michelle is pregnant, we sort of knew where most things were. We looked at all types of things from nursery furniture, to high chairs, to car seats, to strollers. Even found a few things we liked even though we are still working out the layout of the nursery and the monitoring system.
We spent well over an hour in Target comparing products, checking out new and strange gizmos and in some cases reading over the instruction manuals to figure out how the heck some things work…
After spending nearly 2 hours in Target’s quaint baby department we were both intimidated and concerned as we entered Babies R Us’ sales floor. Luckily we were greeted with a sample registry and we found ourselves an understudy baby…
Our understudy helped us pic out furniture…
Blanket sets…
Even check the sizing of a few other infant household needs…
All in all we were able to check out most of the major items we’ll need for Spraggle. We also had a lot of fun. Tony bought a diaper bag which he will claim he only bought because it was on Clearance Sale however we all know he bought it because it is Really Cool! Other then that Michelle bought a new Maternity shirt and SOMEHOW our Understudy Baby found it’s way into our car and eventually back to our house. Good thing he’s Insanely Soft!
We spent well over an hour in Target comparing products, checking out new and strange gizmos and in some cases reading over the instruction manuals to figure out how the heck some things work…
After spending nearly 2 hours in Target’s quaint baby department we were both intimidated and concerned as we entered Babies R Us’ sales floor. Luckily we were greeted with a sample registry and we found ourselves an understudy baby…
Our understudy helped us pic out furniture…
Blanket sets…
Even check the sizing of a few other infant household needs…
All in all we were able to check out most of the major items we’ll need for Spraggle. We also had a lot of fun. Tony bought a diaper bag which he will claim he only bought because it was on Clearance Sale however we all know he bought it because it is Really Cool! Other then that Michelle bought a new Maternity shirt and SOMEHOW our Understudy Baby found it’s way into our car and eventually back to our house. Good thing he’s Insanely Soft!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
What I Learned During the 1st Trimester
Although the first trimester is the shortest, because you don’t know you’re pregnant until a third of the way through it, and the slowest, since there isn’t much changing as far external appearance or daily life, there is still quite a bit that one can learn. Over the past few months I have considered, observed, and researched different things that I have seen and heard and I feel I’ve learned quite a bit from doing so.
For instance, I’ve learned that every pregnancy is different. We’ve all heard stories, perhaps witnessed, or even seen how Hollywood portrays morning sickness. Before Michelle was pregnant I would have thought that all women experience morning sickness that No Hangover that I have ever had could hold a candle to. I always thought that morning sickness would be so bad that no woman would ever want to have kids in fear of dealing with the nausea and vomiting of the first trimester. Imagine my surprise when my wife never once got physically ill. Sure she was nauseous at times and definitely exhausted but she never got sick. This was the first piece of the puzzle that caused me to realize that all pregnancies are different.
Along those lines I have also learned that almost all women have a pregnancy horror story. Some so horrific that if it had actually happened they would either be dead or would have sworn off having kids and not had their other 5 babies. The other amusing thing about this is that the moment these people find out you’re (or your wife in my case) is pregnant they feel they are obligated to tell you all about these horrors in graphic detail. In most cases describing parts of their body and things they went through with no regard for where they are, who’s around, who has a weak stomach, and/or who may be eating.
Oh speaking of eating, I have learned that during a pregnancy a woman will create her own version of the five food groups. In Michelle’s case the only food group that still resembles universal standards is the “Fruits” category. Apparently Spraggle LOVES the summer fruits like cherries, watermelon, strawberries, and grapes. The other food groups that Michelle has (in order of importance) are: Mac and Cheese (she could eat this 3 times a day Everyday), Funnel Cake, Chocolate chip cookies, and pickles.
That being said never let a pregnant woman go food shopping alone. If she wants chocolate chip cookies she will assume that you want them as well and purchase 6 boxes of them (just in case). And although she really wants the cookies she will eat half a jar of pickles on her way home from the store (actually happened).
Another thing I learned is that my wife and I are actually half decent at keeping a secret. Although, we were paranoid most of the time because we swore most of our friends and family knew she was pregnant (they just didn’t want to say anything), we were thoroughly surprised at everyone’s reaction when we told them. The whole reveal was both exciting and a lot of fun. Which in turn made us even more excited about the pregnancy, something we didn’t think could even be possible.
Which brings me to the last item on my list; over the last 3 months I realized that I know NOTHING about babies but I am VERY excited to learn. Going to the OB/GYN with my wife has been an eye opening experience and I have done TONS of research online about pregnancy, in utero babies, and what we need to do before Spraggle is born. All of which have led me to realize that I am completely unacquainted with this topic. Hell, this week we’re going out to look at baby furniture and my only goal during the trip is to see what the difference is between a crib, a cradle, a bassinet, a Mose’s basket, and a Pack n’ Play ‘cause I thought they were all the same thing. Apparently they’re not. But you know what? I’m excited to learn.
For instance, I’ve learned that every pregnancy is different. We’ve all heard stories, perhaps witnessed, or even seen how Hollywood portrays morning sickness. Before Michelle was pregnant I would have thought that all women experience morning sickness that No Hangover that I have ever had could hold a candle to. I always thought that morning sickness would be so bad that no woman would ever want to have kids in fear of dealing with the nausea and vomiting of the first trimester. Imagine my surprise when my wife never once got physically ill. Sure she was nauseous at times and definitely exhausted but she never got sick. This was the first piece of the puzzle that caused me to realize that all pregnancies are different.
Along those lines I have also learned that almost all women have a pregnancy horror story. Some so horrific that if it had actually happened they would either be dead or would have sworn off having kids and not had their other 5 babies. The other amusing thing about this is that the moment these people find out you’re (or your wife in my case) is pregnant they feel they are obligated to tell you all about these horrors in graphic detail. In most cases describing parts of their body and things they went through with no regard for where they are, who’s around, who has a weak stomach, and/or who may be eating.
Oh speaking of eating, I have learned that during a pregnancy a woman will create her own version of the five food groups. In Michelle’s case the only food group that still resembles universal standards is the “Fruits” category. Apparently Spraggle LOVES the summer fruits like cherries, watermelon, strawberries, and grapes. The other food groups that Michelle has (in order of importance) are: Mac and Cheese (she could eat this 3 times a day Everyday), Funnel Cake, Chocolate chip cookies, and pickles.
That being said never let a pregnant woman go food shopping alone. If she wants chocolate chip cookies she will assume that you want them as well and purchase 6 boxes of them (just in case). And although she really wants the cookies she will eat half a jar of pickles on her way home from the store (actually happened).
Another thing I learned is that my wife and I are actually half decent at keeping a secret. Although, we were paranoid most of the time because we swore most of our friends and family knew she was pregnant (they just didn’t want to say anything), we were thoroughly surprised at everyone’s reaction when we told them. The whole reveal was both exciting and a lot of fun. Which in turn made us even more excited about the pregnancy, something we didn’t think could even be possible.
Which brings me to the last item on my list; over the last 3 months I realized that I know NOTHING about babies but I am VERY excited to learn. Going to the OB/GYN with my wife has been an eye opening experience and I have done TONS of research online about pregnancy, in utero babies, and what we need to do before Spraggle is born. All of which have led me to realize that I am completely unacquainted with this topic. Hell, this week we’re going out to look at baby furniture and my only goal during the trip is to see what the difference is between a crib, a cradle, a bassinet, a Mose’s basket, and a Pack n’ Play ‘cause I thought they were all the same thing. Apparently they’re not. But you know what? I’m excited to learn.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Spraggle Log (Tales from beyond the Placenta): First 3 Months of Captivity
I find myself floating within the confines of an ever shrinking bubble. I press against the lining each day in an attempt to expand my prison. Despite the darkness I am given adequate food, beverage, and time to rest. I must admit that I have become infatuated with this orange cheesy pasta. I believe I shall demand that as my meal more often. Also I do not much care for mass amounts of water. I’m floating in the substance why would I want to drink it as well. Something with an actual flavor or sugar content would be appreciated.
I find myself at the mercy of a four-legged black hair creature. Said animal insists on pushing herself against my cell and thus against me. Once I get full use of my newly acquired limbs I will be sure to give her what is coming to her.
I have been given much time to rest and think as my moving prison has seen it fit to take frequent breaks. I have come to not only depend but enjoy these siestas. The prison is so warm and comfortable I believe I shall call it…Mom.
Over the past few months I have seen consider growth both in myself and my prison. A fact Mom’s companion seems to point out almost regularly. Mom and her companion have made a few visits to an office to discuss my release. My parole officer has taken pictures of me as well as an audio statement for her records. She claims I will be free of this cell by year’s end. We shall see.
Another event of note is a party that was held in honor of my impending release. Although it did not seem like the guests were in on the surprise. In fact it did not seem like they knew I was in captivity at all even though I have made numerous gestures and expansions to my cell to inform them of such. Once aware of my existence my cell was subject to numerous amounts of pokes, prods, and the occasional kiss. Do these people not understand how difficult it is to keep this chamber capacious.
Two new targets I have besides the four-legged beast are one Ja-Hon and the father of Mom’s companion for both gentlemen saw fit to wage war on me in my weakened state. Although Ja-Hon was not yet aware of my imprisonment he saw fit to release a devastating spear attack to my walls and by association me. He shall know my wrath upon my release and like myself he will not see the attack coming.
My other attacker however is not nearly as innocent. He in full knowledge of my existence and incarceration drug my prison into the frigid abyss of the sea. He claimed it was an attempt at recreation however the internal temperature of Mom dropped dramatically. Climate control warfare is an ugly business and he above all else shall feel my fury.
OoH! Feeding time! Mmmmm French Fries!! What was I saying again?
I find myself at the mercy of a four-legged black hair creature. Said animal insists on pushing herself against my cell and thus against me. Once I get full use of my newly acquired limbs I will be sure to give her what is coming to her.
I have been given much time to rest and think as my moving prison has seen it fit to take frequent breaks. I have come to not only depend but enjoy these siestas. The prison is so warm and comfortable I believe I shall call it…Mom.
Over the past few months I have seen consider growth both in myself and my prison. A fact Mom’s companion seems to point out almost regularly. Mom and her companion have made a few visits to an office to discuss my release. My parole officer has taken pictures of me as well as an audio statement for her records. She claims I will be free of this cell by year’s end. We shall see.
Another event of note is a party that was held in honor of my impending release. Although it did not seem like the guests were in on the surprise. In fact it did not seem like they knew I was in captivity at all even though I have made numerous gestures and expansions to my cell to inform them of such. Once aware of my existence my cell was subject to numerous amounts of pokes, prods, and the occasional kiss. Do these people not understand how difficult it is to keep this chamber capacious.
Two new targets I have besides the four-legged beast are one Ja-Hon and the father of Mom’s companion for both gentlemen saw fit to wage war on me in my weakened state. Although Ja-Hon was not yet aware of my imprisonment he saw fit to release a devastating spear attack to my walls and by association me. He shall know my wrath upon my release and like myself he will not see the attack coming.
My other attacker however is not nearly as innocent. He in full knowledge of my existence and incarceration drug my prison into the frigid abyss of the sea. He claimed it was an attempt at recreation however the internal temperature of Mom dropped dramatically. Climate control warfare is an ugly business and he above all else shall feel my fury.
OoH! Feeding time! Mmmmm French Fries!! What was I saying again?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
"Believe It or Not" (Season 3 Episode 8)
As the end of the first trimester approached we realized it we time to spread the word about the pregnancy. We had held in our excitement for 8 weeks and were able to skate by with only telling a few people
The first trimester can be very difficult. There are any number of things that can go wrong to hinder the pregnancy and a high likelihood of a miscarriage. But as the first few months drew to a close we were bursting at the seams to tell EVERYONE the good news.
As fate would have it we were given the perfect opportunity to tell most of the Sprague family all at one time. While in Wildwood for Mummer’s Weekend we took part in a pub crawl. Sadly a few key people were not there with us but we had to proceed as planned. We waited for the perfect bar, ordered a round of shots (which some people needed to be persuaded to drink), and enlisted the help of our friend Jim. Once Michelle and Stacie returned from the bathroom, the toast went something like this:
Jim: “SHOTS IN THE AIR! SHOTS IN THE AIR! SHOTS IN THE AIR!”
Tony: “To Spraggle! The Newest addition to the family”
There were more then a few confused looks until Michelle stood on the bench and lifted her shirt like this:
After a few more seconds of silence the building ERUPTED! People cheered, exchanged hugs, some fell down in shock, Israel declared peace, BP plugged the oil leak, and there were even a few tears.
We made our rounds showing everyone the shirt and allowing a few to touch the belly and take pictures.
Apparently we were nominated for an Emmy award for the way we hid the pregnancy and Michelle still acted like she was drinking.
Over the next week we tried to visit other members of the Sprague Family and a few members of the Frick family. Father's day along with our niece's birthday afforded us the opportunity to tell many Fricks at the same time.
This time we went much more subtle approach; with Michelle just simply wearing the Razy Baby shirt to the party. As each person arrived at the party we left it to them to realize what was on the shirt and internally question what it all meant. In most cases it was met with remarks like "Is that for real?" or "Does that mean what I think it means?" It was quite humorous and a very enjoyable way to spread the word to the whole group yet each person individually.
All in all it’s good to not have to hide it anymore and even Better to be able to finally talk about it openly. Thank you all for being a part of our lives. You helped shape us into who we are today and we hope you will help us do the same with Spraggle,
The first trimester can be very difficult. There are any number of things that can go wrong to hinder the pregnancy and a high likelihood of a miscarriage. But as the first few months drew to a close we were bursting at the seams to tell EVERYONE the good news.
As fate would have it we were given the perfect opportunity to tell most of the Sprague family all at one time. While in Wildwood for Mummer’s Weekend we took part in a pub crawl. Sadly a few key people were not there with us but we had to proceed as planned. We waited for the perfect bar, ordered a round of shots (which some people needed to be persuaded to drink), and enlisted the help of our friend Jim. Once Michelle and Stacie returned from the bathroom, the toast went something like this:
Jim: “SHOTS IN THE AIR! SHOTS IN THE AIR! SHOTS IN THE AIR!”
Tony: “To Spraggle! The Newest addition to the family”
There were more then a few confused looks until Michelle stood on the bench and lifted her shirt like this:
After a few more seconds of silence the building ERUPTED! People cheered, exchanged hugs, some fell down in shock, Israel declared peace, BP plugged the oil leak, and there were even a few tears.
We made our rounds showing everyone the shirt and allowing a few to touch the belly and take pictures.
Apparently we were nominated for an Emmy award for the way we hid the pregnancy and Michelle still acted like she was drinking.
Over the next week we tried to visit other members of the Sprague Family and a few members of the Frick family. Father's day along with our niece's birthday afforded us the opportunity to tell many Fricks at the same time.
This time we went much more subtle approach; with Michelle just simply wearing the Razy Baby shirt to the party. As each person arrived at the party we left it to them to realize what was on the shirt and internally question what it all meant. In most cases it was met with remarks like "Is that for real?" or "Does that mean what I think it means?" It was quite humorous and a very enjoyable way to spread the word to the whole group yet each person individually.
All in all it’s good to not have to hide it anymore and even Better to be able to finally talk about it openly. Thank you all for being a part of our lives. You helped shape us into who we are today and we hope you will help us do the same with Spraggle,
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
“The Voice Inside” (Season 5 Episode 3)
Today we had another visit with Dr. Sproat. (And Tony was told to be on his best behavior) This appointment was primarily to hear Spraggle’s heartbeat, although we had hoped to get some new ultrasound pics as well to show the family. Unfortunately we knew that wasn’t going to be possible when we were led into a room that didn’t have the required machinery.
In fact the room didn’t even seem to have a machine to hear Spraggle’s tiny heart pumping. A few people had tried to explain this possible implement of destruction describing it as a taser-like contraption built into a weight lifting belt. Michelle was terrified; Tony was looking for one on eBay.
Imagine our surprise when Dr. Sproat entered with a little box attached to a wand that looked like a Tootsie pop. She instantly remembered us. (we leave an impression on people) We were also hoping to get some pics with Spraggle Monkey wearing a stethoscope but Dr. Sproat wasn't wearing one. (What kind of doctor doesn't wear a stethoscope?)
Anyway, Dr. Sproat pressed the Tootsie Pop against Michelle’s stomach and began moving it around in circles. Before Tony could even ask “How can you tell the difference between Spraggle’s and Michelle’s heartbeats?” we heard two distinct patterns.
Let us tell you, Spraggle may not have much room to work with in there but he/she must have built themself a tiny gym cause that little heart was pump a mile a minute. Sadly we weren’t able to capture any audio to post on here but according to Dr. Sproat Spraggle sounds very healthy and is progressing nicely. (We were very happy to hear that!)
After a few rounds of questions, (Yes, Michelle is allowed on boats) we left the office to setup the next few appointments.
In fact the room didn’t even seem to have a machine to hear Spraggle’s tiny heart pumping. A few people had tried to explain this possible implement of destruction describing it as a taser-like contraption built into a weight lifting belt. Michelle was terrified; Tony was looking for one on eBay.
Imagine our surprise when Dr. Sproat entered with a little box attached to a wand that looked like a Tootsie pop. She instantly remembered us. (we leave an impression on people) We were also hoping to get some pics with Spraggle Monkey wearing a stethoscope but Dr. Sproat wasn't wearing one. (What kind of doctor doesn't wear a stethoscope?)
Anyway, Dr. Sproat pressed the Tootsie Pop against Michelle’s stomach and began moving it around in circles. Before Tony could even ask “How can you tell the difference between Spraggle’s and Michelle’s heartbeats?” we heard two distinct patterns.
Let us tell you, Spraggle may not have much room to work with in there but he/she must have built themself a tiny gym cause that little heart was pump a mile a minute. Sadly we weren’t able to capture any audio to post on here but according to Dr. Sproat Spraggle sounds very healthy and is progressing nicely. (We were very happy to hear that!)
After a few rounds of questions, (Yes, Michelle is allowed on boats) we left the office to setup the next few appointments.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
“A nice plate of potato cookies and a cup of moss rye tea.” ~Boober Fraggle
Two inevitable questions that we hear when people find out that Michelle is pregnant are “How was morning sickness?” and “What strange cravings have you had?”
Oddly enough (and we’re very thankful for this) Michelle didn’t experience much morning sickness. Sure there were days that she was nauseous and she was certainly more tired than usual (which is certainly saying something) but all in all the morning sickness wasn’t bad.
She never became physically sick. Again both of us are happy about this because Tony has a weak stomach when it comes to seeing people vomit. She also didn’t really have any food aversion. It wasn’t like we’d cook a meal, sit down to eat it, and the smell would make her ill or she didn’t want to eat.
In fact, along with her need to nap, her need to eat also increased. She’d need a snack every few hours or else she’d feel nauseous. Usually she’d grab something healthy like apples and peanut butter, grapes, or cherries but on occasion Spraggle would demand something else. Along these lines there have not been any strange cravings yet. Macaroni and Cheese is certainly her pregnancy food of choice. As well as fresh summer fruit like watermelon and cherries.
We have only encountered one strange meal and that was during a stop at Wawa when she wanted Baked Potato Soup, apples and peanut butter, Skittles, and pickles. Not all at the same time, mind you. But she did proceed to eat them all in succession while in the car.
While we’re sure there are strange quirks and cravings in our future so far there has not been too much of note.
Oddly enough (and we’re very thankful for this) Michelle didn’t experience much morning sickness. Sure there were days that she was nauseous and she was certainly more tired than usual (which is certainly saying something) but all in all the morning sickness wasn’t bad.
She never became physically sick. Again both of us are happy about this because Tony has a weak stomach when it comes to seeing people vomit. She also didn’t really have any food aversion. It wasn’t like we’d cook a meal, sit down to eat it, and the smell would make her ill or she didn’t want to eat.
In fact, along with her need to nap, her need to eat also increased. She’d need a snack every few hours or else she’d feel nauseous. Usually she’d grab something healthy like apples and peanut butter, grapes, or cherries but on occasion Spraggle would demand something else. Along these lines there have not been any strange cravings yet. Macaroni and Cheese is certainly her pregnancy food of choice. As well as fresh summer fruit like watermelon and cherries.
We have only encountered one strange meal and that was during a stop at Wawa when she wanted Baked Potato Soup, apples and peanut butter, Skittles, and pickles. Not all at the same time, mind you. But she did proceed to eat them all in succession while in the car.
While we’re sure there are strange quirks and cravings in our future so far there has not been too much of note.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"We see with our eyes. We know with our hearts." ~ Cantus Fraggle
So we got to meet the doctor today and got our first visual glimpse of Spraggle. WOW! It’s amazing that we all start out so small. Only the size of a kidney bean Spraggle was a bit difficult to find but once found he/she looks like this:
Oh! And Spraggle Monkey was there too
The doctor seems pretty cool. Although since we are dealing with a hospital, Dr. Sproat may not be the doctor to deliver our baby. Any doctor in the practice could be the one to help us that day and we will try and meet them all before they bring our baby into the world.
Dr. Sproat, although not much older then we are, seems like a VERY competent and knowledgeable OB/GYN. That being said she did seem to stutter over a few of Tony’s jokes and comments. Anyone who knows Tony knows that he can be a wise ass (all the time) and while throwing out his one-liners and comments they seemed to catch the good doctor off guard and in some cases caused her to stop and think. LOL! It was all in good fun and it seemed to make the experience less awkward.
Dr. Sproat did point out Spraggle’s tiny beating heart, stating that it was a little flutter on the screen. Tony and Michelle don’t know if she had something floating in her eye or if they are just blind but they saw no such flutter.
A few more appointments were scheduled including more bloodwork and another meeting with Dr. Sproat to hear Spraggle’s heartbeat.
Oh! And Spraggle Monkey was there too
The doctor seems pretty cool. Although since we are dealing with a hospital, Dr. Sproat may not be the doctor to deliver our baby. Any doctor in the practice could be the one to help us that day and we will try and meet them all before they bring our baby into the world.
Dr. Sproat, although not much older then we are, seems like a VERY competent and knowledgeable OB/GYN. That being said she did seem to stutter over a few of Tony’s jokes and comments. Anyone who knows Tony knows that he can be a wise ass (all the time) and while throwing out his one-liners and comments they seemed to catch the good doctor off guard and in some cases caused her to stop and think. LOL! It was all in good fun and it seemed to make the experience less awkward.
Dr. Sproat did point out Spraggle’s tiny beating heart, stating that it was a little flutter on the screen. Tony and Michelle don’t know if she had something floating in her eye or if they are just blind but they saw no such flutter.
A few more appointments were scheduled including more bloodwork and another meeting with Dr. Sproat to hear Spraggle’s heartbeat.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
“I better do as a Doozer does and get on with the job” ~Gobo Fraggle
Anyone who knows Michelle knows she is TERRIFIED of needles. A fear she will undoubtedly have to overcome during this pregnancy since there will be quite a bit of blood work and tests done as well as the possibility of an epidural during delivery.
Anyone who knows Michelle also knows that she is obsessed with stuffed animals. She absolutely LOVES plush versions of wildlife creatures. Considering both of these facts we decided to go out and buy a new stuffed animal for her to take to all of her doctors appointments and hold while tests were being done. Since Tony loves monkeys the pair went to Build a Bear and make a primate stuffed animal lovingly deemed Spraggle Monkey.
There were two rounds of blood work the following week for which Spraggle Monkey was in attendance. Although Michelle is certainly not over her fear of needs she has come to realize that they are a necessary evil during the next 9 months and has taken to squeezing the stuffing out of Spraggle Monkey while the nurse pricks her skin.
Anyone who knows Michelle also knows that she is obsessed with stuffed animals. She absolutely LOVES plush versions of wildlife creatures. Considering both of these facts we decided to go out and buy a new stuffed animal for her to take to all of her doctors appointments and hold while tests were being done. Since Tony loves monkeys the pair went to Build a Bear and make a primate stuffed animal lovingly deemed Spraggle Monkey.
There were two rounds of blood work the following week for which Spraggle Monkey was in attendance. Although Michelle is certainly not over her fear of needs she has come to realize that they are a necessary evil during the next 9 months and has taken to squeezing the stuffing out of Spraggle Monkey while the nurse pricks her skin.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
"Look, Ma! I caught a 'Spraggle'!" ~Junior Gorg
So A little bit of a back story is in order. In October of last year we, meaning Michelle and Tony, made the conscious decision to stop using birth control as of the end of the year. We realized that we did in fact want kids, something we had always known although we had put on an outward facade to the contrary.
We continued to boast that we were never having children even after Michelle came off the pill. Very few people knew that we were thinking about having kids. Over the next few months Michelle’s cycle went all to hell and we figured it would take a few months before her body regulated itself and she was ready. However, one fateful weekend in April we had quite a bit going on, a night out with friends, a party to go to, and a dance recital on Sunday. Michelle seamed out of sorts. She was tired and had no interest in drinking. Conversation began, while at the bar after the dance recital, that she might be pregnant. We excitedly finished our drinks, said our good byes, and rushed home.
A quick pee test later and it was confirmed; WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!! After a few tears of joy and some time jumping around in excitement we sent our cheering section this text:
A long running joke with our friends.
The next few days we set up doctors appointments, talked about every possible facet of having children that we could think of and generally just basked in the glow of happiness.
We continued to boast that we were never having children even after Michelle came off the pill. Very few people knew that we were thinking about having kids. Over the next few months Michelle’s cycle went all to hell and we figured it would take a few months before her body regulated itself and she was ready. However, one fateful weekend in April we had quite a bit going on, a night out with friends, a party to go to, and a dance recital on Sunday. Michelle seamed out of sorts. She was tired and had no interest in drinking. Conversation began, while at the bar after the dance recital, that she might be pregnant. We excitedly finished our drinks, said our good byes, and rushed home.
A quick pee test later and it was confirmed; WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!! After a few tears of joy and some time jumping around in excitement we sent our cheering section this text:
A long running joke with our friends.
The next few days we set up doctors appointments, talked about every possible facet of having children that we could think of and generally just basked in the glow of happiness.
What’s a Spraggle?
Technically “Spraggle” is the name that has been given to Michelle and Tony’s unborn baby. The name Spraggle was dubbed by Michelle immediately after she found out she was pregnant.
The word Spraggle is a portmanteau of Sprague (Tony and Michelle’s last name) and Fraggle (A type of creature from the 80’s puppetry TV show ‘Fraggle Rock’) Fraggle was a nickname given to Michelle by Tony’s father after she attempted to cheer him up when he had injured his back while on vacation. She was acting like a goofy puppet and her father in law said she looked like a Fraggle.
Fraggles were both male and female and since we do not yet know the sex of the baby the nickname seems to be an ambiguous way of referring to the baby without delineating gender.
The word Spraggle is a portmanteau of Sprague (Tony and Michelle’s last name) and Fraggle (A type of creature from the 80’s puppetry TV show ‘Fraggle Rock’) Fraggle was a nickname given to Michelle by Tony’s father after she attempted to cheer him up when he had injured his back while on vacation. She was acting like a goofy puppet and her father in law said she looked like a Fraggle.
Fraggles were both male and female and since we do not yet know the sex of the baby the nickname seems to be an ambiguous way of referring to the baby without delineating gender.
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